Below my ode to the 2013 season delivered GF eve in the heart of Melbourne suburbia.



March Two thousand and thirteen, eighteen teams, one dream.

The Giants will finish last says the vast majority,

Demons a sorority,

tough year Dogs, ditto Saints, ditto Port,

everybody ticks a box beside Swans and Hawks. 

Lionised Lyons’ Dockers tough to beat with a full pre-season,

Buckley v Malthouse the sub-plot whiff of treason

Geelong to ebb, stands to reason,

Tigers, North, Bombers a smidgeon ahead of Brisbane, concern over MCG pigeons,

Suns young guns to run out of puff the usual column fill stuff

then in a moment of self-aggrandisement Brendan Sanderson says I’m the man to land us one,

nobody believes, really, you have to ask exactly what object his hand is on.


Before you’ve had time for a slash, a smell foul, rank, fingers pointed at septic Dank,

sceptics detect a conspiracy plot of astronomical proportion to make the Bombers barely gestated season an abortion,

dishwater bureaucrats from obscure government agencies instant celebrities and the how fuck is anybody gonna beat the Eagles?


But somehow Port do and at Alberton they’re rocking in the Koch-pit while at Hill Windy there’s more smoke in the cock-pit,

Cats the surprise packet, whatever a footy club needs Melbourne lack it, they’re already looking to two thousand and twenty and priority picks a plenty, a whole season of tanking, or Danking or Banking if you’re Buddy the ten million dollar man Sheedy’s hoping to land,


Eddie suggests Goodsey’s the perfect gimmick to promote King Kong, I was waiting for the banjo, blackface and sing-along, a little Mac Sennet and

 the Hawks still can’t break curse Kennet,

Goodes season turns bad, bad turns to worse for the Grand old Flag, Josh Kennedy’s got the Fred Flinstone shuffle going and I told you here come the Eagles. 


Port are hanging on, Demetriou’s banging on, Malthouse boys shithouse, Giants exalt Jeremy Cameron,

Ablett should win the Brownlow, new rules confusing as tacklers  slide downlow,

fidgety boards find an axe to wield on Voss and Neeld, word that Hird’s fate’s sealed,  

and then Bang

it’s a Bomberless finals and Carlton stumble in while there’s all this Roos-Demons rumbling and Woosha’s job prospects go tumbling.


Mad Monday’s pretty quiet, Saints set a dwarf alight but as the Clash sang that’s entertainment and let’s face it you gotta do something while waiting for Stevie Milne’s arraignment.

Finals week one, Tigers undone,

Dockers sent to Kardinia might as well be Sardinia

but when the final siren blows the sardines on toast are in blue and white hose and Eddy, we didn’t even have to move Wallabies v Argentinia because Port was far too good aginya.  

Blues overestimated routed by swans decimated, valiant Port fall short.  

Hawks overcome the curse, Swans have rarely played worse or Dockers better so here we are one schooner out of the gutter,

Two clubs left standing, who gives a stuff about AFL branding,

this time tomorrow there’ll be a new premier and then it’s November

new season’s on again and I can’t wait to see if the AFl schedules the grand final replay for  Launceston.  And can anybody tell me what the fuck did happen to the Eagles?

4 Comments on 2013 FOOTY SEASON

    • yes bobby, I was in the shower yesterday morning my mind drifting to worthless noodles when I realised my error but thought I should let my errors define me – a bit like the Pav should.

  1. Very well said Dave. Enjoyed Friday night, nice warm up for the Grand Final. Good result too on Saturday although I’m sure you beg to differ. When did the Jack Mihocek song come about? Its funny hearing a song about a player who only played about a dozen games 35 years ago but i remember seeing him out at Windy Hill and he was a bit of a cult hero. Keep up the good work. Cheers Kev

    • Thanks Kev, I wrote that song about 10 years ago, maybe more. For me the key line is “every players has it seems one game where greatness touches them” and I think that’s a summary for all our lives. The important thing for the narrator (not me but an imagined Essendon supporter) is that one game by JM changed his life so in our way we are all important to each other. Martin Cilia and I released the song as one of a number on an AFL cd we did for Essendon including the theme song. It went under the title of The First Ruck. We did 5 songs for each of the (then 16?) clubs and was released via K Mart or Target by Sony. Martin did put them on Bandcamp at some time for those wanting to buy a download. Mick Conway walked into a sports store in northern Tassie to be confronted by the man himself proudly playing the song. Re GF yes was disappointed Freo couldn’t win but Hawks were worthy winners and I was impressed last year by Hawks fans who were very reasonable to Swans. That may change if there’s a Buddy-Mummy swap!

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