Dear Cousin,


Well have I got news for you! It’s been a remarkable week. Ced Lugan  bought an on-road vehicle, and now everybody is following suit. I think it is just the most ridiculous bit of posturing since Javed Miandad raised his bat to Dennis Lillee. I’m not kidding, an on-road vehicle, here, at Cow Crossing! And now everybody is following like sheep!!!! I mean, I know that generally on-road vehicles are much safer than the 4-wheel drives we have to drive, but there’s never been an accident here at the Crossing – we just don’t have enough cars. If it wasn’t for the fact that we have to cross the creek to get over to the footy field, then maybe you could get away with on-road vehicles, here at the Crossing. And of course if we had any roads. The only road bitumenised here is Ced and Rita’s driveway. Now I have to confess, after sitting in Terry Banovich’s Volvo sedan, I can see why a person would prefer an on-road car. For a start, you’re not perched up in the air like some Emperor being carried by his slaves in olden times.

It’s about 10 years since I had to drive to the city but I can tell you that I hated that feeling, sitting up in the air like some great dork watching over the little people.   And everybody can see you and realise you’re from the bush!

But the whole trend the Lugan’s have started is ridiculous. It would be like somebody down in the city buying an off-road vehicle – God could you imagine how ludicrous that would be? I split my sides laughing at the idea of say, people in the advert business in their natty suits, swapping their sports cars for big ugly 4 Wheel drives. Or mothers lined up to pick their children up from school in great big off-road vehicles that probably cost twice as much as those clever and much cheaper, station wagons.

Sometimes the thought of a silver-haired barrister behind the wheel of a Pajero or Land Cruiser or some such, absolutely makes me wet my pants.

Ridiculous I know, but after a couple of tinnies, I get to imagining all sorts of things.

Now I’ll tell you something else I’ve noticed about the crew who’ve gone and bought on-road vehicles (replete with bumper stickers of city radio stations to make it look like they actually go to the city now and then), firstly all the older blokes are the very same blokes who owned safari suits in the 70s. And the younger couples who’ve bought them, are the same who bought those round German barbecue things that took about five hours to cook your meat.

I don’t know what it says exactly, but it says something.

I have to leave now, there’s a meeting at the school called by the “on-road vehicle owners club” (could’ve saved everybody the trouble and just called themselves “the wankers”) in which they are pushing to build a bridge from the town side of the creek to the footy field! All because now, with their on-road cars, they can’t go across the creek. Have you ever heard anything so damn ridiculous! That would be like somebody buying the place next to the pub and wanting the pub to close down because it was noisy! Can you imagine if you people in the city had to put up with that?


Til next time, All The Best,


Your Cousin.

4 Comments on COW PASTURES # 2

  1. There wouldn’t be any vacant places to rent at cowpastures, would there? Or I could do a swap. This made me laugh. Thank you

    • No, thank you. Did you read the earlier one on my blog with the preamble? Just scan down and you’ll find it. I always thought it could be a fun five minute series spot on ABC radio – maybe Brian Brown as the narrator. I have one more written which I’ll put up in the next few days, but anyway thanks for the positive feedback

  2. oh yeah well as a motorcyclist similar story, everyone buys an adventure bike, a trail bike with all the lastest goodies, GPS, ABS Brakes, heated hand grips, hand protectors, bulbous painers with colour matched top box – complete with back rest, optional co$ting of course!, coulour/theme matching bike gear & not forgetting a water bladder to complete the picture of the new wave motorcyclist ‘adventure rider addition”, the saddest part is that @ least 80% venture no farther than 100 k’s from home!
    don’t they know how ridiculous they look!!!?
    the question that is always raised when “we gather to slather” is why do they this?

    & some wit remarks- ‘ because they can’…….sigh.

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